Won Special Guy

Okay .... so my soju bomb went off a couple days ago... And he's the reason. I'm totally smitten for this guy and I think he could totally be me ..... I KNOW that he could complete get into me. The way i obsess over him and plan swooning to upon seeing him and worry about him and think about him is pissing even myself off. I know he's gotta be wondering why I'm so flip lately.

Ever heard the quote that the same thing that makes you laugh will make you cry?? Well those oh so sweet text messages that you NEVER dream of erasing b/c they bring you instantaneous bliss... y'know the ones... The also serve to remind me that this is yet another self induced mind fuck because we can't be together without problems..You know... the whole differences between culture and of course skin color comes into play when it never should. So he plays the we can just be friends card... I take the card at first but have been forever burning the edges. He's so perfect for me and I don't like the fact that i don't even get the chance, y'know.

Reality and many good friends say i should let go of my love luster for this guy and continue on to a more serious relationship with this American guy I've been hanging out with and talking to. He's a perfect package. He calls, he cares, he's fine ( mnn mnn yes he is), and he's military, he's funny and has a personality that entertains me and parallels my own - I should be throwing myself upon his combat boots!!

But I feel like I'm missing out either way, and I just don't like the feeling of not getting my way. Besides there are 4 other guys holding my slight attention besides these two main dishes. Don't get me wrong.. dating is sooooo much fun. I shouldn't be so sprung again so quickly cuz lawd knows that is NOT where i wanna be. I'm still paying my dues for the last 2 loves come and gone and now I'm banking on number 3! Today folks.. I'm punking myself! I am the only who chose to let go of loving and spend my life traveling and exploring.. sentiments would only slow me down. So yes I'm lamenting my decision now .. but i am resolved to do it my own way. But in a bittersweet epic poem's way of telling a tale: I love him but I can't be in Love with him.