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I bet you think this BLOG is about you!, Alabama, United States
I'm an extroverted flame dame with a shiny nice girl exterior. Commonly Refered to as the resident Attention Whore. My main goal in life is to become famous and I'd appreciate it if you'd watch me do me....

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Some people are PISS POOR MORALLY...

SO.. it's day two.. and i'm still angry at the world and PMS doesn't help. I feel like i need to write now when i am upset becasue i'm sure in time everything will work out. Either things will change or I will leave and I won't be as expressive. But if you are reading this out there and you are seriously considering being a traveling teacher I feel it's my duty to let you know the extent of my strife. Know that no feeli lasts forever.. I'm feeling better than the day before but at least now you won't get obver here think that everything is peachy keen. This country has got it's own problems just like yours does. I'm trying to be sympatheic to the fact that 60% of my stress comes from being shocked b/c of the way things are done. But that's just it.. that's the way things are done here!!! it can't be changed in a day or in the year that i'm here.. but the more expats that come and endure changes the dynamic for those to follow. I'm sure the people who were here before me had some hell. Korea will pledge the hell fire from you and never ever let you cross.

Concerning the recent situation. I've decided that though i can't make anyone change how the run their office and though i can't make the other teachers stop going along with our employers childish antics ( maybe they are worried about job security). I CAN NOT BE SILENT. I WON"T JUST LET IT HAPPEN without saying something to let everyone in on what my pliht looks like. And maybe that will compell them.. but if not... it'll still make me feel like i accomplished something.

I recieved some apologies and so has my friend. However the office space vibe is in shambles. I duno how to act.. but I can't pretend that i am happy when I'm not. Tommarrow I plan to talk about the issue at our much needed staff meeting. I'm no longer so angry or hurt I just want to find closure and get on with my work. Cuz God knows I love my children. They are the reason why I am here. The appreciate me and they understand so much more than I ever realized. They can tell when i'm unhappy and they care. They reflect my mood and for them I want to be nothing but smiles and sunshine. I refuse to be depressed b/c i'm not dead yet so chances are.. i just got a lil stronger.

I did have to attend a going away celebration for on of the teachers. I'm going to miss him. However i certainly wasdn't in the mood for entertaining our administration. First dinner with uncomfortable conversation because i'm really someone who hates avoiding the obvious conversations that need to take place. At one point i think i heard 2 admins talking about the reason behind my sour mood. Reason being that i hate being treated like a token negro. As the nigt wore on we were forced into norabang to sing. I honest almost cried at one point becuz there's no place i wanted to be less! I'm cramping like hell, singing the special song that my friend always sang for me, which eerily happened to be appropiate for the situation and my mood, and missing home and missing my home girl. I know everything happens for a reason.. so i'm justing trying to figure out what that is. What i need to change, what mistakes am i making .

I plan to start looking for an english speaking church somewhere near by. I've been lax in doing so for 4 months. i'm resourceful for finding everything else i want .. i need to get in that to!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008


It feels like a sad country western song: I lost my best friend, I was descriminated against and completely let down by my co workers.

I'm in sick disbelief and awe today. It has to have been one of the worst 24 hours i've spent in korea that's including my hospital time.

My best friend had to go away suddenly. I didn't know that last night would be the last time I'd ever see her. The pain of it all is indescribable but i've been a wreck since. I didn't even have time to grieve before I was slapped in the face by my good old nemisis: PREJUDICE..

It seem that for some reason my employer likes to designate extercurricular community tasks to my fellow co workers.. all who happen to not be black. To be fair lets' do the math: there are 8 teachers total, 2 teacher are considered aids ,1 teacher is part time .. that leaves only 5 teachers that are available to do any other sidework- english festivals and etc. Of those 5 teacher only my myself and my best friend court b are black.

There has been exactly 5 occasions ( maybe more b/c no on tells me) where some or all of these teachers have been asked secretly to participate in an event and then specified not to mention to any other tecahers. This is done intentionally supposedly so the left out tecahers won't feel bad. WHO ARE THEY FOOLING: there are only 2 teachers left out everytime! AND we have ears and we heard them proposition you b/c we are all in the same damn room. What's more.. it only serves to rub in the discomfort and bad feeling of ill will by purposefully being deceptive.

I'm livid at this point because A: someone up there thinks I'm not good enough to be in the public eye( wonder why) and B: the other teachers actually went along with this. I'm only 25and i'm the youngest person in the office and i had suggest to grown ass people that when someone tells you to do something that is immoral.. you save your pride and tell them to go fuck themselves. These are people I worked with, cared about, struggled to understand and they all just sat there with guilty faces but with rambling words that didn't explain why they dropped the ball ;and all the while acted as if we were being UNREASONABLE by pointing out all these facts for everyone.

SO the current bitch session in question is about a English festival that both of us weren't even told about HOWEVER they do need us to work extra classes that day because the teacher who are better or more special than you must be gone to an assignment that we wanted to hide from you. Folks one of the teachers actually backed out and didn't want to participate.. KNOW WHAT- We 2 other teachers are not even the alternative. They got another teacher from a whole other school across town to take that teacher's place and guess what hunny.....

After I explain my thoughts about this situation i was meet with a half ass-ed apology that merely blamed the occurrence on our Principal's assistant. The witch hunt continues b'cuz I'm talking to his ass tomorrow. I even received a personal; apology email that wasn't to my satisfaction. I see now that I'm not going to be satisfied until everyone knows every thing that happened and exactly how i feel about it all.. and then I'm gonna need better answers then what these gum shoes are kicking up.

I can't believe I travelled 7,300 miles across land ocean and sea to be discriminated against by a Korean employer who wanted me here so i can teach little Korean children how to be an AMERICAN. fuck me I can be discriminated against at home where i can drive up to a McDonald's afterwards and shake off whatever hater was upon me with some hot fries and some chicken nuggets.